well, yeahhh.. here is a good question that went through my mind this evening while i was watching White Collar with my sister. How do men match their tie to a suit?

if i would be a guy i would wear any tie. i like ties. bowties. ;)

my soul is bitter and in pain, and it seems like it's not only one hurt - it hurts in all the corners of my heart and soul.  i know that you know this God, and i know that you won't leave me this way. my life depends on You.

why are you cast down and sad, oh my soul?
why can't you live and be full of life and joy? i know there are not only flowers on this path, in this world and life is not "la vie en rose". my God, could You please heal this sea of pain? this sea of sadness from my soul, from my eyes?

i know that for my life You prepared everything, in a unique way, making me unique and i know that in Your eyes i'm precious, i have value. i know that in Your word there is no lie.
my God, i'm fighting with this thoughts that troubles my heart, and this is not from You. i fight to see my true worth that you poured out in me. i'm fighting to not believe all the lies that i'm not good enough and that my life is nothing without meaning, sense, when i know that You wrote on it with Your precious blood "Glorious- one that brings glory to My name".
i fight to be a true believer, to love the way you teach me how to do it, when it's hard to love because we are not perfect. i fight to hear Your voice louder than anything that tells me that i have to hate and to stop being what You made me to be and what You created in me. i fight to hear Your voice in the storm when in fact You are next to me and You calm everything. my God, i fight to be myself. i don't know how to live. i fight to breathe and my heart struggles to beat. make it beat for You.

my help comes from the Lord.
pure truth, but i'm wondering how? through what? by whom? it is said that God works through us, the human beings. my help comes from the Lord, but How? what is a friend when a friend is closer than a brother? and what does to love, to care mean?
there are no good samaritans among us anymore, or i'm living in the most awful place on this earth maybe.

i know that two thousand years ago someone overcame all this for me and He said " It is finished."
and right now, i need Him. i need Him to help me see the truth.

so faith by itself, if it doesn not have works, is dead. - james 2:17

faith without works/action is dead. this applies in the case of friendship too, right? friendship without action is in fact dead. just saying that you are friend with someone it is not enough. it is the same with love too, right?
just saying to someone that you love that person but you're not showing it, it is nothing in fact. am i right?
for me it does make sense.

delicious food i like...

SYRIAN FOOD

One day we went to visit a refugee family and they invited us to have lunch with them; they prepared for us real syrian food and it was more than yummi and good!

We really felt welcomed- I am grateful for this experience and for everyone I've met and for every new place I've seen.

And one morning we had egyptian breakfast - beans with pickles, which was very weird for me to eat it in the morning, but it was delicious! :)

 And that one time when we went to buy some cake and we took a picture with the store's employees. This is kunefa:

Goodbye Istanbul

We left Istanbul at 2am, we were all tired and anxious to arrive in Jordan. At about half the distance of our journey we went through a snow storm and it was so intense that we thought we will crash and die, and we started to pray. For sure God didn't lead us there to let us die up in the air.
We landed safely in Amman after all the turbulences, we all felt sick but we were with our feet on the ground, thanking God for keeping us safe.
A local person took us with a car from the airport and we drove for one hour and a half to Mafraq, the city where we stayed for a week.
Jordan is a beautiful, though scanty country. There are villages strewn all over the hills, beduin and refugee tents and olive orchards.
Syrian men take their families to the town of Mafraq or into the camp, leave them to their own fate and cross the border again in order to fight in their home country.
We helped the local church  to distribute mattresses, pillows, blankets, stoves with gas, food and whatever those people needed, and not only this, we wanted to share God's love and to be a light for them, we wanted to bring comfort and to encourage them that there is hope, there is a hope that lasts forever- that hope we find in God alone.
Put into groups of three or four we daily visited the Syrians. Few of them live in tents in the town. Most have found shelter in shacks, cellars or shabby rooftop rooms the Jordanians give them. Unfortunately, they take horrendous prices for that as the guests have no options...
There are 60.000 Jordanians and now another 60.000 Syrians in the town or more..
Some Syrians are doing well enough to afford a furbished room, most of them are not. Nobody has a work permission, thousands of refugees come to church for help and to be registered every day.
Their lives are completely out of what comfort or familiar or safety means. Their stories sound like those from some horror movies. People are hurt, grieving, with emotional traumas- especially the children- without a hope of a future or a way to rebuild their lives.
Visiting them and bringing them food also opened a door for us to share about God's love and about that hope we find only in Jesus. It was surprinsigly to see how they didn't reject us or the message we brought, and we prayed together in the name of Jesus.
God is using this little church for two years now when no one heard about it before. God brings hope, life, healing, and help for these people in need. And i know it's only the beginning...

Jordanian desert and the UN refugees's camp

Beni and Elisa helping at the distribution of mattresses and pillows

in the church 

Magued, one of the volunteers who helped at bringing food for the refugees

Egyptians volunteers

Mafraq's streets

 

view from the rooftop of the church

almost 19 C degrees in Jordan; it was sunny

Amman

Is this possible?

Is it possible that maybe I took away all their hate and gave them all my love so that they won't hate again and live a life in love, in hope? And maybe this way they won't be lost again and then for me it would still be a chance to find love and to love again.

The rising sun

Still living in Paris since three autumns ago and been seeing God's hand and answers more than many times in my life and I am grateful that He was beside me every moment I needed it. I know His plans for my life are the best and I choose to trust Him and wait upon Him always.
 Some verses that encouraged me recently through a friend, from Jeremiah 1:11,12 "The word of the LORD came to me saying, "What do you see, Jeremiah?" And I said, "I see a rod of an almond tree." Then the LORD said to me, "You have seen well, for I am watching over My word to perform it." And I loved this passage and it remained in my heart because it's carrying a message of hope. God is watching that His will to be done, His word to be fulfilled. He is watching over us so that His will to be done in our lives. What He says and what He promises He keeps, He fulfills, He gives, He does. He is watchful when we need something so we can have it, He watches to make sure that His children are being blessed and they prosper. Also He watches to make sure that we are living in His will - even if we will fall He continues to lift us up, to forgive us, to love us, over and over again. He is watching over us so that we may grow in faith and be strengthened in Him.
 God is so good! He wants to be sure that you have everything you need to remain in Him, and to continue to trust Him. God knows what you're going through right now, and He says "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." because He loves you with an everlasting love and He can't stop thinking about you.
I've been praying for something new, something fresh in my life and I received the answer. Sometimes it's worth the waiting. And as I came to Romania to see my dentist, my staying here got to be longer than i planned it but it turned to be something beautiful and unexpected. One day a friend wrote me about a mission trip to Jordan to help the syrian refugees there and it lit something in my heart and it made me want to go. It's incredible how God put things together and everything went well and i could go with other three people, also my best friends. They have great hearts for loving God and serving Him and sharing His love with other people, with those in need and it's been an honor to be part of this team- i haven't been on (a) mission for four years but my heart still beats for this and I hope to go back there, on missions, for a full time soon.

The sun is rising above the clouds at 6 am in the morning carrying a new hope, a fresh start for each one of us. "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." We had a 18h layover in Istanbul so we had time to visit the city around for a few hours. So here are some photos from our tour in Istanbul:

6am waiting for our flight

in Istanbul, having breakfast and some turkish tea

visiting the Blue Mosque

The Basilica Cistern

soup - that probably Ian would like it more than me- it was spicy;
he told me his roommate made him soup one day - i think it was the same

a delicious lunch at Tamara's restaurant. enjoying a chiken kebab

at the bazaar. always full of people

with beni and elisa and andreea behing the camera. love them.

spicy condiments

between Europe and Asia

The Bosphorus strait, between the new and the old Istanbul

my beautiful friends.

Can you find me??